« Fondue Frenzy | Main | Relay For Life »
April 15, 2007
The Blonde Girls' Guide To Changing A Tire
A girl's worst nightmare... a flat tire:
I think it's important for us girls to know how to change a tire because let's face it, we'll probably have to at some point. Don't worry, though, this is The Blonde Girls' Guide To Changing A Tire, and blonde girls don't get their hands dirty.
Step 1 - Call someone for immediate assistance. Strong young men will jump at any opportunity to help if you can perfect the "damsel in distress" voice:
Step 2 - Survey the damage. It's always good to have someone or something to blame for all of life's problems. In this case, I'm blaming the city of Hartford for leaving screws in their roads:
Step 3 - Locate the proper tools in your vehicle. When your gentleman helper arrives, have him search the car for the "jack" and a bunch of dangerous looking poles that blonde girls have no business touching. Also, look for a spare tire which is most likely hidden in a secret compartment that could be better used for miscellaneous accessories like emergency road trip makeup supplies:
Step 4 - Feign incompetence. I learned this skill from my boyfriend, Brent, who would have me believe he has no idea how to use a microwave. Ask your strapping young gentleman if you can help, and insist on trying the most difficult part yourself. This will most likely be loosening the "lug nuts" on the tire. Pull will minimum effort, but maximum "Do I hold it like this? Should I push or pull? What? Turn it? How?":
You will be immediately relieved of any responsibility to offer further help.
Warning - Tire changing is a spectator sport, but getting too close to the "players" can be dangerous:
Here are some pictures demonstrating how to watch someone loosen lug nuts:
A good job for us girls is to guard these lug nuts, they might come in handy at some point later:
Step 5 - Gather clean rocks to keep the car from rolling away. This small, but essential job can be done by us girls. I like to think that finding semi-pretty rocks is part of my skillset:
These should go in front of and behind the tire diagonal to the flat one:
Step 6 - Place the jack behind the wheel you are working on. Have your personal mechanic place the jack under something metal so that he doesn't crack the plastic parts of your car while lifting it up:
Your helper will discover that putting all the scary tools together makes a super-tool that he can then use to lift the car up:
Step 7 - Connect your super-tool to the jack and twist it around in circles. Your male helper will find that the super-tool somehow connects to the jack, and by spinning it in circles, he can lift that side of the car up off the ground! Amazing!
Step 8 - Remove the ugly tire. With that flat, ugly tire up off the ground, you can yank it right off and put on a new, prettier tire:
Note - You may find that the new, "spare" tire is much more beautiful than the original! Quite often, they're painted in pretty colors like blue and purple:
Tip - A well-praised helper is a happy helper:
Note - Do not be alarmed by the unsightly appearance of your car between-tires:
Step 9 - Put on the new tire. Tires are heavy, so do not attempt to help, especially with newly-manicured hands. Have your gentleman helper put on the new tire and screw in the lug nuts again (good thing we saved them!):
Step 10 - Lower the wheel to the ground and put away your tools. That's right, we're done! Have your helper bring the car back down to the ground, remove the jack, and replace the tools in their secret compartments:
Tip - Make sure to compliment your helper on his fantastic looking mechanic hands:
You may also want to save the offending screw (or nail, piece of glass, etc.) as a gift for your helper to thank him for his hard work. He may want to keep it forever as a memento:
And there you have it. The Blonde Girls' Guide To Changing A Tire in 10 easy steps!
Posted by lauren at April 15, 2007 10:02 PM
Comments
Perfect! I think your helper is amazing! Good job protecting the lug nuts, too!
Posted by: M&D at April 15, 2007 11:15 PM
This totally happened to Alice & I in Chile. I immediatly went into full blown damsel in distress mode and ran to a nearby bar and got not one, but 3 helpers (they thought I was Drew Barrymore, Ha!). After they changed our tire, they took us to their bar, gave us a bottle of wine and one of them was a cook--he made us a HUGE plate of French fries and all was right in the world!
Posted by: jocelyn at April 16, 2007 12:45 PM
You should marry any man who will do that much manual labor at the drop of a hat. Still, the whole ordeal looks quite dangerous- lifting a car!!! Someone could have lost a hand! Kids from Connecticut have no business fixing cars. That's why we have New Jersey.
Posted by: Alexis at April 17, 2007 02:33 AM
Alexis---Ah aha ha aha ha aahhaahah
That was hilarious!
Posted by: Jocelyn at April 17, 2007 11:01 AM
Alexis - I completely agree, despite not touching anything the whole experience was quite traumatic and I don't think I'll ever get myself involved with flat tire changing again.
Posted by: Lauren at April 17, 2007 11:22 AM